# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
