After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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