so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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