After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
