My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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