The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
