I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
