we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
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He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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