So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
