Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
