This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
