it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
