i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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