So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
