Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
