In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't deserve a penis
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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