I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
