K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
