Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize