he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
