just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
