i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just cut my nipple shaving
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
