My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
