Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
