He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
