Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
