K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
