I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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