Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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