Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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