My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
