Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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