Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
