I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
