Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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