i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
