You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why didn't you poke me back
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
