Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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