just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
