Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
