Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
