non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize