I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
