I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
