Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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