Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
