So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
