He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
