He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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