I CAN MOONWALK!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I lost the right to judge tonight
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
