I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
