He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
