Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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