he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The power of my boobs compel you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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