I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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