i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
