Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
