I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
