just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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