fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
