just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
