I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
