The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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