I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
