That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
