Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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