Soap is not a condiment
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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