Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
