ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
